Post Mania

Mania sucks ass. If you don't believe me, ask any bipolar person. It's embarrassing, like having a big mental shit all over the place. I'm so glad it is over.

I'm still looking for places to live. I saw one really nice apartment and put my name in, haven't heard back yet. I hope I get it though, it's just scuzzy enough to fit my tastes. I mean old, it's in a really old building, which are the kinds of buildings I prefer.

What is it about an old building? I used to think I wouldn't like them because of ghosts. But in truth, I've never had a ghost issue while I've lived in an old building. I did once have a poltergeist issue with a roommate of mine, she just always attracted that kind of energy. And I saw stuff move around while she was abouts, which was always kind of creepy. Not to disparage her, she's pretty cool, but poltergeists, ai ai ai! Messy rude things.

Enough about ghosts, how am I?

Well, I'm still getting better in increments. I'm still excited and waiting to get on hormones. I'm not sure when it will happen, it seems to involve a lot of waiting time to see people, beyond when I'm finally officially stabilized in the eyes of my doctor. I think she's waiting for me to be less depressed, which is slowly abating. In truth I don't think I'm depressed so much as bored. Not working has been boring. Tomorrow I start at this psych rehab place for eight weeks, I think it's a lot of group activities and so on, but I'll be getting out with other people which is good. I have also started applying for jobs again, although my EI doesn't run out for nine months. But I think I'd rather be out in the world than stuck at home on EI.

Cause you're always putting me down . . .

That's from a Cranberries song line. I like it, because it's so generalized. You're ALWAYS putting me down. ALWAYS. Without fail.

Anyway, I am working on a grant right now to make a short film based on a short piece of prose I once wrote about vampires, it will probably only be a three minute film. Film! I'm going to shoot it on a bolex and edit on a steenbeck. It should be ridiculously fun to make. I haven't touched celluloid in quite a while!

I just deleted my maniac blog, which made me feel really happy. I hate havin to delete blogs, but this is the second maniac blog I've deleted in my life. I sense a pattern. And that makes this, I guess, my post maniac blog, which is what Fit of Pique was for so long.

I'm kinda proud of fit of pique, and I kind of miss it, but I'm glad to be moving into a different territory. This one I'm assuming will be about trying to get Bunnyhug made, and making different shorts, and stuff like that. I'm working on a short and a longer project. The longer project is about coming out as trans and so on. I'm hoping it turns out well.

I have an apartment to look at tomorrow, which is exciting because I really really really want to move. It's a studio apartment and I can have my cat there, which is also good. I'm waiting to live with my dog again for when I move into this rainbow co-op housing. I dunno what else to say in this blog. I'm still getting better by increments. I was kind of down this morning, but I'm quitting smoking, so that could be it. Because I'm always putting me down . . . Actually I got a budget done for one of my projects, so I am happy about that.