Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Urine smell -> Flower Smell! :D (True Stories!)

Mister is digging through my pockets and finding every candy possible. He's a very snoopy dog. I have photos of a wallet he rifled through and the money he took from it, and also when he went through Deanna's purse and took out her pouch of tobacco.
I have HOT WATER and Coffee Filters again! And heat, which I don't need because it is summer. No more going to Mum's to shower! Now I can actually stay clean! I'm one of those people who showers everyday. I've been doing every two days and it's yucky. Sometimes 3 days! :O But no more! Now I am going to be clean and serene. You know what I mean.
YAY! I just had a nice hot shower in my own apartment. SHOWERS! And I'm supposed to get curtains this week. Hurrah for Curtains! Now I can masturbate in front of my computer! Really, it's been ROUGH! Curtains are a necessity. Even for people like me who write tell all blogs for over a decade of their life!
Actually, I don't tell all anymore. I tell some, and leave the rest to word of mouth gossip. I'm no slouch, there's not much to do sometimes besides gossip about mutual aquaintances, sometimes it's the best small talk.
I need some monsieur net. I used the last of the floor cleaner and there is no multipurpose cleaner on hand, just Vim with Bleach.
UGH! I just washed part of the kitchen floor with this "orange scented" generic cleaner and now it smells like burning rubber! Blech! Maybe if I smoke a cigarette the smell will go down! Oh no! I'm smoking! Shameful downward spiral!
Next thing you know I'll be smoking crack! :O
Actually that is one thing I have never done, and will never do. I've watched too many crack addicts to want to be one. It's sketchy. Especially when they are looking for a rock in the cracks of the sidewalk. DEPRESSING!!!
Funny the limits I put on my drug using behaviour. Like such and such is okay, but THIS is NOT! So sad.
That smell is going away. Phew! And maybe I will have some tea instead of this coke. But mostly I think I should finish washing the floors. Cleaning to raise my self esteem.
Floors are washed! It's starting to look nice in here, ACTUALLY. Amazing.
Much Later:
Okay, well now the dishes are done and I took the garbage out and I cleaned up a Mister Mistake. I even washed under the dog dishes, which I always neglect. And I dyed my hair again, now it's a deeper pink, not so orangey. I like it. I left roots in. I don't have enough for bleach.
While I have been doing all of this I have been thinking about many things. Mostly lottery dreams. Foolish things, but that faint hope is so appealing.
I bet if I made the perfect film, I could make a million dollars. I wonder.
I've also been thinking of video ideas, but my brainstorming would sometimes be interrupted by me trying to figure out what a dark organic blob was on this or that.
I saved my suitcase I had bought to go to Scotland! Mimi, my mom's old grumpy vengeful cat pissed on it, but I got this stuff called Nature's Miracle Urine Destroyer (for cats)! And now it just smells like flowers.
True story, that one.
And it's really good because I don't want to smell like cat piss in Berlin.
Angry cat piss.
I just found my electrical adaptor! With a usb port so I can charge my iPod anywhere! :D Into the clean suitcase it goes!
I haven't gotten my results back on my big grant still. Maybe tomorrow, or the day after, or while I'm gone! :( Not much time left before I leave. I was hoping to hear something about it before I go so that I can plan my life accordingly.

Monday, June 21, 2010

The Bannock Girl has clean fingernails! :D

I am waiting to hear about my Big Grant, but I did get a little grant to travel to Berlin, which has made me pretty happy. I am looking forward to going, I haven't traveled overseas since I went to Scotland. And for a Queer festival! Yay! I can only imagine what kind of trouble I could get up to.
I'm feeling pretty positive about finally implementing these BIG changes to my life, like quitting pot and smokes and cleaning up around here more often and walking the dog on a regular basis and remembering to groom myself properly. I don't want to just stick a hat on anymore.
It's such a terrible thing to one day fall into the stereotype of the mentally ill, talking to myself with greasy dirty hair and a sink full of dishes. I just need a bathrobe and I will be all set, maybe some slippers if I am really living the high life.
Today I volunteered by giving out bannock for almost two hours. Well, it was probably just one heavy duty bannock duty hour. People are very funny about their bannock. Some don't care for it, which surprised me. Some white people don't call it bannock, they call it bread. Whatever. It's greasy and good!
I even cut my nails so no one would look at me and go "Ew! The bannock girl has dirty nails!"
The bannock girl needs to bleach her hair and put in more Manic Panic.
I was surrounded by the police at Aboriginal Day, they were all doing their good deeds for the community, and there was the treaty day mountie shaking hands and taking endless pictures with Indians. I only got 5 bucks this year! :'( My cousin Steven got 85 bucks! That's a lot of accumulated treaty days! He could buy 85 jars of baby food! Or a few days worth of groceries!
One treaty day I accumulated enough to get a swim suit.
I didn't see them giving out bullets though, I don't think they do that anymore.
If you give someone bullets and money for gas, you can get a dead deer. Sometimes they will butcher it for you too! It sounds so black market and badass, putting a hit out on a deer.
Venison is my favorite wild meat.
30 people became millionaires during the last Lotto Max draw. 30 people!!!!! And this next time there are 55 draws of 1 million each. I've got to get a ticket again~! This 50 million dollar jackpot is tantalising me! It seems so much easier to gamble for my riches than actually put real work into accumulating wealth.
Accumulating seems to be the dominant theme of this entry.
I have noticed I have more energy without pot in my life. And it makes it easier to do things like clean and tidy and groom and create.
I am reading all this new information now about how the psych medication I am on make me at a higher risk for heart attacks and strokes, and metabolic syndrome. And that it basically adds up to a premature death. Sucks to be me. I mean, HOPEFULLY some newer better meds will be unrolled in the next few years. They've learned a few more things about how bipolar works and are working on treatments specific to those mechanisms. Soooo, I dunno. But I really have to use my time wisely. No more dicking around smoking weed and giggling about something that happened to me in high school. What if I die when I'm 60? That's only 28 years from now. Already more than half of my life is over if that's my timeline.
Which means I have to put more time and energy into my practice. A lot of my practice is me sitting around and thinking. It's not very interesting to watch. When I write I go out for a lot of walks alone. I really need a kitchen table because that's where I do my longhand and my sketches. And then there's driving around shooting things and setting up lights and convincing friends they can act for 30 seconds or whatever. But so much is sitting around being a bum, so it seems.
Oh yeah, and all that internet surfing, doing research into things like the geology of Mars, or reading books and watching movies on certain subjects or in certain genres.
I like my life. I just want to live it past 60.