Tuesday, December 31, 2013

New Years Eve!

It's gonna be a new year soon!  I am having a Not Very Exciting New Year's Eve.  I think I'm gonna finish my laundry, wash my bedroom floor, ummmmmm.  We're setting off fireworks at 7:30, then I am driving my friends to their event at 8 or 9.  Back home we're gonna play board games and have the fireplace on.  Nice and cozy.

I've had a good year.  It had ups and downs, but it ended on a good note, getting my grant.

Ha ha, I got bored writing and just buggered off.  Guess I will finish now.

It's a little over half an hour to midnight.  We set off fireworks and some bitchy neighbour threatened to call the cops, and we were like "Go ahead."  Cause legally you are allowed to set them off on private property in the city limits on New Years Eve, Victoria Day, Canada Day, and Labour Day.  They were good fireworks but she was kind of a downer. 

I finished cleaning my room and washing the floor, and I did my laundry.  I have all clean clothes and clean sheets and stuff.  I dyed my hair again to refresh my pink.  We had a lackluster supper of chicken strips and french fries, because there is a four year old with a limited palate staying with us.  Everything you say to him about food he says "Yuck!"  He eats very little besides a few things.  And he's super screamy.  Not even screamy, shrieky!  And squeally!  If something goes the slightest bit awry he starts squealling and complaining.

Little Mister has anxiety because this kid is staying with us.  He's been following me around all day, getting under foot and always asking me to lift him up so he can snooze next to me.  He's very sweet, but I feel badly that he doesn't feel safe enough to just lay on his cushion in the kitchen, which is his favorite bed.  I guess it's for the best.  Poor dude.  Maybe when the kid gets older and more mature Little Mister will be able to just relax.  Even now, the kid is asleep downstairs, and Little Mister is next to me in my chair.

Yesterday was awful.  I forgot to pick up my medications the day before from the pharmacy, so I was ALL OUT of meds.  I couldn't sleep.  It was horrible.  I tossed and turned until 5:30am and then I gave up and got up and puttered around.  I stayed awake until midnight last night.  I got my meds so I am fine now, but sleep deprivation made me have a really short fuse.  And the kid was just talking the whole time, blah blah blah blah blah.  I didn't yell at him but I got really frustrated, then my friend invited me out for dinner and a movie, so we went out.

The movie was the highly anticipated Blue Is The Warmest Colour.  It was three hours long.  The sex scenes made us laugh and my friend said "Shamay!" because they went on "fucking" for ten minutes and it was totally ridiculous.  Shamay is Saulteaux for "getting worse!"  The protagonist was completely unlikeable, played with her hair all the time, had terrible hair besides which needed a hairbrushing, ate with her mouth open, slept with her mouth open, and there was some weird motif of spaghetti dinners.  The only good part (spoiler) was when she finally got dumped by the lesbian, because she was so unlikeable and was a closeted cowardly whiney weasel.  I was like "GOOD! DUMP THAT BITCH!"  And then the movie kept going!  OH!  And there were these pretentious moments where characters talked to each other about ideas, like philosophy, and it was such a pile of crap.  And the lesbian was an artist and she painted and representations of artists are often bullshit, which it was.  Like when she talked about her paintings she talked about really surface stuff, like colour and lines, and I find artists usually talk about ideas and politics involved in their work.  SO it was just an awful movie all around.  Two thumbs way way down!

I'm done ranting now. 

I was a cabbie for about an hour.  Most of it I was waiting at my friend's house for her and our other friend to get ready.  Then we started going to their destination, when my friend couldn't find her id.  We went to a gas station to see if she left it there, then we had to go to her house so she could get her spare id.  Finally I dropped them off and came home, but on the way Mom called (I didn't answer because I was driving) because she was wondering if I had decided to go out after all.

Anyway, that's what's been up.  I should go get my laundry.  Happy New Year all my beautiful blog readers!  I will keep writing!

Monday, December 30, 2013

Little Mister is too gender normative

I'm in a good mood.  I went to the book store today looking for books about Mars Exploration, but there wasn't ANYTHING!  Just something about robotic missions to Mars, which isn't what I want to learn about at all!  So I went on Amazon and ordered a couple books that have more relevance.

I spent tonight doing laundry (really grubby sheets!) and collecting four transcripts into one email that I sent off to one of my distributors.  I had a really hard time finding the transcript for Sight, because I wrote it on a totally different computer (my mother's) AND at the time it was named something completely different, Blindness.  I like Sight better.  Anyway, I finally have it, renamed and edited to what the narrative actually says in the video.

I'm glad my sheets are clean.

I am getting a little bit of a cold.  My throat has had a tickle all day.  This morning I sounded awful, like a croaky frog.

My Grandma was in the hospital over Christmas.  It was really awkward, because some of us (including myself) thought this was it!  The end!  She was gonna die and we would all be sad.  It was getting hard going to the hospital all the time to see her, it takes a lot out of you.  But she got discharged today.  My Grandpa was super lonely while she was gone, so he's pretty glad she is home.  I didn't want to tell people "My Grandma is dying!"  But I did say that to one friend, she said she would keep her in her prayers, so today when Grandma got released I told her her prayers must have worked!

I know my Grandparents won't be around forever though.  They are well into their nineties.

My throat!!!!  Ugh I hate being sick!  What has me freaking out is yesterday they moved Grandma to a different room in the hospital, and it turns out someone in that room (there were four beds) was under quarantine.  SO why the fuck was he in a room with other people?  Someone raised a fuss and got him moved to a private room, but now I am paranoid that I caught something or Grandma caught something.  Quarantine is serious!  Why the hell was he in a room with three other people AND their visitors?

I'm now in my bed, with my warm clean sheets and my content sleeping pup.  Just before Mum went to bed she told me that they found a baby bear, who seems to have been away from his mom for two months!  And he was really skinny, and they found him in a chicken coop, but he didn't hurt any of the chickens!  They gave him oatmeal with honey, because milk is too rich for his poor starved little tummy.

BEARS!  I love bears.  I have this thing where if I hear about animal abuse I feel really small and upset and have to hug my dog, so sometimes I read about bear bile farms and it's super upsetting!  I try to avoid reading about animal abuse.  I really hate when people post shit about it on facebook with pictures because it is SUPER triggering for me, and there's no way to avoid it except for hiding it.  But when something is in your head you can't get it out.

I'm way too sensitive to be living in a world like this.  I can't even bring myself to watch Blackfish.  I can't even believe I read Where The Red Fern Grows when I was a kid!  That is a SUPER UPSETTING BOOK!  Right up there with Old Yeller.  Sometimes I can't even watch the news.

Oh yeah, anyway, I went to the bookstore today.  I couldn't find my Mars books, so I got Writing the Science Fiction Film, Gentrification of the Mind, and Best Lesbian Erotica 2013.  I read some of the Gentrification book, which is super good, but now I'm in bed which means I am switching to my sexy thoughts time so I think I will read Best Lesbian Erotica 2013.  Maybe I should charge my vibrator as well.

I love bringing new books home.  There is this moment where you want to dive into them, they are like new worlds floating around in between pages.  I have lots of books I haven't read yet actually, and I should.

Best Lesbian Erotica!  I haven't gotten one of these since 1996!  Holy crap!  That is also the year I graduated high school.  Lezzzzzbians!  I hope this book is good.

So many things to do in the next while.  I'm glad tomorrow is a Regular Day and not a freakin' Sunday or a Holiday!  So tired of holiday hours!  I need to get Little Mister in for a shave too, he's super shaggy!  And he's got long fur in front of his penis that keeps getting peed on, and then he has a little weird dog pee smell to him.  Poor Little Mister!  He got a bath, but that only does so much.  And his nails are clickety clacking all on the floor.  I read an article yesterday about how certain dog breeds need regular grooming, and that at minimum they should be groomed twice a year, because this groomer sometimes sees dogs that only get groomed ONCE a year and they get super matted and have awful painful nails and it is really awful.  I can't imagine someone letting their pet get so far gone.  Little Mister gets groomed about four times a year.  Every season he needs a tune up, shave, nails clipped, bathed, he looks cute!  And they put a bandana on him.

What I really want to know though is this, where does dog bandana cloth come from????  Cause it's really obviously made just for dog bandanas, it will like, have little bones on it, or dogs waving Canadian flags if it's around Canada Day, or like, Christmas or Halloween related dog themes.  Like a dog popping out of a pumpkin or something.  Once he got a flamey bandana, he looked very smart!  But really, there's a whole market for printed cloth for dog bandanas.

Little Mister is too gender normative, I want to find Dog Nailpolish and do his nails when he comes home from the groomers.  I think a pink or a red would look cute!

Thursday, December 26, 2013

Finally Funded!

I've been so busy with holiday stuff that I haven't had a chance to write.  So here goes!

On Christmas Eve the mail person came by and dropped off some mail.  I got an envelope from Sask Arts Board, which made me instantly anxious because it seemed so small, and I was anticipating a rejection.  And it was almost Christmas, and I didn't want bad news on Christmas, but I opened it and read "We are pleased . . . " and I was like "Woooo!"  They didn't give me the full amount I requested, but it's still 13,000 towards my Mars webseries.  So I'm sure I can do something with that.  I'm basically not able to pay myself much.  I've been thinking about how I can make up the full amount and I am considering turning to crowdfunding.  I've got a lot of research I have to do in the next month, like researching the best way of presenting a webseries, and how to run a good crowdfunding campaign.  Basically I have to go to the library.  I also have to research Soviet cosmonauts and space technology, space travel, Mars, and various other things.  I'm gonna download some transmissions from space and listen to the lingo and stuff.  Each webisode is presented as a transmission from this ship.  It's pretty exciting!

So Christmas Eve I was trying to sleep but my head was buzzing with all the things I am gonna have to do in the coming months, and also things I can finally pay off now that I am getting some cash.  SOME of it I can just use as living, so I'm gonna get Little Mister's teeth done and finish paying off the car accident I was in, and I owe Mum 202.00 so I have to pay her that. AND I am gonna get an artist website, so I have to do that.  February I will get some artist fee money too, I am hoping I get a decent cheque.  I might get my tattoo, I've been wanting it for a long time.

What else?  I haven't gotten my unofficial transcript from ECUAD yet, I think the university is closed for the holidays anyway, so I am going to get in touch with them in January.  That's the last thing on my end that I need for my application to Ryerson. 

No ladies on the horizon.  I'm going out to Divas on New Years Eve I think, maybe.  There could be cuties there.  I'm dressing up a bit more when I go out, so I hope I look more presentable.

Little Mister needs a shave!  And I need to be sheared too, I'm looking mighty shaggy! 

I'm mostly relieved that I have finally been able to fund my project.  It's been bouncing around for years, trying to get the damn thing funded.  It has also changed over time, from a longish short video to now a webseries.  There was a time I was thinking of making it a tv show, but no one is gonna take me seriously for that yet.  I think it becoming a webseries is a good move, it's a longer story but spread out over a series of shorts.  I tried to get it funded through the Canada Council, but got rejected twice.  So oh well.  Thank god my provincial funding body came through!  This was the first time I applied to SAB with this project. 

I've got a lot of work to do!  2014 is going to be exciting!  And in the fall, the series will start going online.  And I will finally be able to see this thing to fruition!  I first performed my Mars story around 2001, so it has been a LONG time coming!  I'm gonna be able to work with actors, so this will be fun.  I have to look at my budget and see what I can do. 

This is my work schedule for the next year:

February 1, 2014 – April 30, 2014 – Research and Scriptwriting
May 1, 2014 – May 31, 2014 – Set building, casting, and rehearsal
June 1, 2014 – June 15, 2014 – Shooting
June 15, 2014 – August 10, 2014, Post production (editing and sound mix)
August 11, 2014 – Pick up shots (“training” at the Exhibition).
August 12, 2014 – September 1, 2014, end of Post production.
September 1, 2014 – November 15, 2014 – Weekly dissemination of each episode via Vimeo and publicized on social media such as Twitter, Tumblr, and Facebook.

I think I'm gonna start research and scriptwriting in January though, I feel like it could benefit from another month of work, especially since I have already found out I have the grant.  I have the outline for ten episodes.  It's just a matter of jumping off from there.

I've decided to make beaded jumpsuits too.  Which will also take a lot of work.  I might pay for that with crowdfunded money, if this thing works.

I'm really buzzing but I know I should go to sleep and it's late and aaaaaahhhhhhh!  I have over ten thousand dollars to make videos!  In the Industry that's not a lot, but to me it is pretty mega.  I have made short videos super cheaply before.  Like, with a hundred bucks.  Which is a SUPER micro budget.

I have other projects brewing in my brain, but I hope this opens some more doors for me and gets me noticed.  And it's also a really good experience to learn how to direct actors.

So in short, it has been a good Christmas, even though today was mostly being busy with my family obligations.  I am hoping to have some relaxing times with my friends in the next while, until after New Years.  Maybe some sledding, some drives, coffee, shirley temples in the bar.  I think my Nortryptiline is kicking in so maybe I can get some sleep now.  I'm excited about the future, it's a good feeling~!

Sunday, December 08, 2013

Give Up!

Okay so first off I will say this is a total Too Much Information post about jerking off so if you are a relative or don't want to know, stop reading!

I gave myself this great orgasm yesterday, but today it was terrible!  Four toys and porn and my battery died and I didn't come.  Sad!  All that work for nothing.

I've got this new dildo and it's kind of funny.  Because it's really thick.  So when I'm trying to get it in it's kind of intense.  First it's like "Never gonna fit!  It won't get in at all!" And then suddenly it's in and it's all like "Don't move!  I gotta adjust to this!"  And then it's really quite fun.  With a vibrator on my clit I don't even need to do the in and out motion, it can just fill me up and sit there and get me off.  But like I said, my battery died this morning so it didn't work out. 

There's this funny point when you are giving up on masturbating to orgasm, like first maybe I will try a few other things, and then I just start accepting that nothing is happening right now.  Maybe my sexual fantasies are just drifting off to thinking about groceries I have to buy or what my friend said yesterday or some other Non Sexy thing.  And then it gets to me with a dildo up my cunt thinking "This is stupid, and I should give up."  So maybe then I will get my laptop and look for porn.  I don't know what porn I want to look at anymore.  I saw a bunch of stuff and I was like "Fuck!  This isn't sexy!  It's not working!" And then my dog will walk into the room and start crying and staring at me because he wants attention and is all alone in the house and you can't get off with a crying sad dog in the room!  I mean, maybe YOU can, but I can't!  Fuckit!  I've got a pile of toys on my bed and none of them worked!

At least I got to play with a happy dog in the end though.  Happy because I finally gave up jerking off. 

Isn't that the pits though?  When domestic animals interrupt play time?  I remember when I had my cat Schrodinger and one time I had my head over the edge of the bed while I was jerking off because I was looking at a porno and then Schrodes just walked up to me and STARED!  And then he started sniffing my nose.  Boner killer!

Tonight I am gonna try nipple clamps for the first time.  I'm not sure it will work.  My nipples are kind of weird, they are inverted so they pull into themselves, and it's impossible to coax them out.  I might just watch my nipple hide and the clamp fall off.  I got these things a long time ago and haven't tried them until now!  I will report back!

I need to find good porn.  Porn with hot queers, diverse queers, POC and fat and some trans and some cis and all kinds of things!  I'm sick of looking at white girls taking on two dicks.  The One White Girl Two Dick era of my porn interests has ended.  And I don't want to look at made for men lesbian porn because it's too fake.  I might actually pay for porn because I know of some good queer stuff that is out there, but you have to pay.  I mean, sure, why not?  They should be compensated. 

I'm not really a porn enthusiast.  I'd rather read an erotic story and have something to imagine.  I'm super into imagination.