Friday, September 17, 2010

Pimps and dealers

It's about that time again, to start thinking of intelligent things to say in my blog. I feel like listening to me figure out my life must be boring. I just want to stay relevant.

I've been trying to think of a way to help out Rebecca Belmore. She's being sued for more than 750 000 dollars from her old dealer Pari Nadimi Gallery for breech of contract when she chose to leave the gallery and stop a sale. It's pretty appalling and incredibly mean and spiteful of the Gallery.

You know what it reminds me of actually? PIMPS! When a woman wants to leave a pimp she has to pay him a certain amount of money.

I can't imagine being in that predicament, either as a sex worker working with a pimp or an artist being represented by a Gallery that won't let you leave without going completely bankrupt. It's just scary, and the case would set a precedence for future dealings between artists and dealers. Plus I know Rebecca, and I highly value the internationally acclaimed work she's been doing for years. There's no way she has 750 000 kicking around.


I seem to recall drinking and sitting on Rebecca's lap once while announcing to everyone in the kitchen at the Grunt that I had just taken a shot of testosterone. I remember everyone's head whipped around, it was so funny. Like OMG!

The last time I saw Rebecca was in the spring when she was in town while her partner Osvaldo worked on something artsy.

If I had a job I'd be inclined to send some money, but I only have EI and it's pretty skimpy. If YOU, my fine blog readers, want to donate some money to the cause, check out Rebecca Belmore Legal Fund on Facebook, they have links there to all the news and blog articles about it. I'm still plotting what I can do, I might auction off a small collection of my videos on DVD or something. I'd make a nice hand drawn cover for it too, it would be a collector's item! I suppose I could make a few of them to auction off. Yes, that makes sense. I have worked with Rebecca on a video for her performance, she was great to work with. So clear about her vision.

On to other news. Well, I have been doing more investigating into possible careers. I'm in particular intrigued about being a copywriter. I love writing, and people say I'm a strong writer, and I like thinking up ad slogans, believe it or not. I sometimes read copy if there is nothing else handy in the bathroom, like flyers and backs of shampoo bottles. Ah yes, made with crushed pearls, that was some good shampoo.

Oh, I just got word we are heading to the track at 7, gotta start getting cute. I heard a lesbian is meeting us there. And you know how much I like lesbians.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

In which Thirza talks about wanting to be a grown up.

If I could do any job I would want to go colonize Mars, really, be stuck in a tin can for 6 months and then shiver in the freezing cold of a 0 degree Centigrade summer. Then get stuck in the tin can again and come home.

However so far that job only exists in my script. So I have to find something else.

Five years of film school has made me suitable for what exactly? I can't work on set because the 15 hour days and super extremes of doing that kind of work would make me literally insane, and nobody likes an insane Thirza. Oh sure, it SOUNDS kind of cute, but only in hindsight. I can be really annoying when I am crazy. My ex-girlfriend can attest to that. I've tried to get editing jobs, but I never get called back or anything. I did some freelance editing for my friend Ariel once, but it was out of the goodness of my withered heart and I don't think I got paid, although a lovely video was born.

I've considered getting a small business grant that would pay for capital costs so I could start a Final Cut Pro editing business. But I need to work on my reel more before the money will come in.

I am also accepted into an administrative assistant diploma program, but I've been having trouble getting the cash to actually go to it.

I have also been toying with the idea of writing copy. Actually I have already applied for a position as a copywriter. It would be fun and creative and I would write all the time. But I would also have to be selling at the same time. As an anarchist punk that is a bit of a strange concept for me to grok. I'm sure as I develop marketing skills I could apply it to my filmy-video career and get better at selling my own creative ideas so I can get money and make art! But I know all my friends would say I sold my soul to advertising. Still, the idea of doing that kind of work intrigues me. I once had this great ad slogan for KOA Campgrounds when I was in grade two and we stayed at one. KOA is A-OK. I still think it's a great slogan!

Nevermind all that, the real reason I am looking about for a career that pays more than what I am doing now is because of my furry family. Getting evicted was the best thing that ever happened to Mister. Now we're living in a house with a backyard. It's temporary though, I don't plan on living with mom forever.

Little Mister LOVES the backyard!!! He always wants to go out there and sniff about and pee and poo and he is always a straggler when it comes to going back inside. He has made it VERY clear that even though I got a small dog so I could live in apartments, he wants a house with a backyard!!! I can't afford a backyard on my own.

This means I have to get a roommate, for the first time in YEARS! I'm a little hesitant. For one thing, I have had good and bad roommate experiences. Some have felt like strangers even a year later. And some I still talk to and am friends with, but living together was just not working. For another thing, well, I would like to be the one in charge of the house. You know, the first one there, the one who gets to say "You have to move out" if it isn't working, not the one who has to move. It's just a matter of personal security, to know that I will have a solid living situation I can maintain until I buy my own house.

Oh man, GROWN UP TALK! Careers and houses! Next I'll be talking about getting a wife.
Oh hell, why not? I want a wife still. I don't know who. I used to think I knew who, but we haven't talked in a couple years at least and I'm pretty sure after our break up that she doesn't intend to ever be my wife. I haven't planned anything about the wedding except that our singer will be my ex-girlfriend Velveeta performing as Velvis, a femme Elvis impersonator. I don't imagine it will be a huge costly wedding. I'm going to wear a tux, but my Mom explicitly says I cannot wear the one I have and I will have to buy a brand new one. The rings will not be super expensive, I'd rather make a nice video than have a 10,000 dollar ring. The diamonds will be Canadian, with those teeny polar bears etched into them microscopically to prove it.

I have wanted a wife since I was like, 17, but 32 seems to be a nice age to get one. Better than 17 that's for sure. When I was 17 I mostly wanted a girlfriend to prove I was lovable, not necessarily because I was in love (although I was). My last visit with a psychic she said I would have one more break up and then end up with the woman I would be with for the rest of my life. Forever seems like a nice amount of time to be with someone. Most of my relationships I have felt like I just got to know my girlfriend and suddenly we were broken up. None of them have lasted very long. My longest relationship to date was a year and a month.

And I am HORRIBLY SHY when it comes to ladies. Which is my major stumbling block. I feel all flustered and get really DUMB because I am thinking naughty things and how cute they are and forget to be a good conversationalist. And then even after doing intimate things with women, I don't know how to take it to the next level very well. I could be totally HOT for someone but end up playing all cool because I don't want to seem like a nerd who really REALLY likes someone. Although I do and am probably telling everyone else how great this person is and how I want to marry them maybe.

The other thing is most of the partners I have had have been VERY into polyamory, and wifey talk turns them off. AT THE TIME. I have totally seen them get married later, to OTHER people. I just attract the polypeople. I don't know why. I don't mind it, I've done it, I don't get jealous easily (we all get jealous sometimes). I don't even envision my marriage being monogamous, although I could be monogamous pretty easy too. But getting married turns off a lot of my current and past lover type people. They say it's about ownership. I'm a bottom, I kinda get turned on by the idea of ownership. I have kinky thoughts about marriage.

BUT what is the point of getting married if I don't have a paying career or a house, even a rental property? No one's going to marry me and move into my Mom's basement with me. I am aiming to move out for January or Febuary, and I am aiming to date someone for two years before getting married. So I'm not SO CRAZY yet that I am plotting to be an instant grown up next year. But at 32 going on 33 in April I would like to be MOSTLY grown up. I have a degree! It gets me a bit more respect in the art world, but not that much more money. I have a career! But it doesn't pay more than 4000 a year on a good year. Maybe 20 000 when I have a grant, but that's still just eeking out a living now.

Maybe when I become a decently paid copywriter I will know how to sell myself through words to potential wives and be able to buy a house to put them in. THEM. Ha ha, I'm not a mormon, I would have one wife. And maybe or maybe not we could have other girlfriends or lovers, but I'm not picky either way.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Director looking for Direction

My EI is due to run out in October sometime and I have been getting frustrated with my job search. I've been trying to find work that is: Within a 30-40 minute commute on transit, has regular shifts in the day time so I don't fuck with my circadian rhythm, is full time or 35 hrs per week, and HOPEFULLY is in an office. Oh yeah, and pays at least twelve bucks an hour. But hopefully more. Although I have also applied for two jobs at the Casino, both cashier jobs. Cage cashier would be amazing just because I'd get to meet all the winners. Of course then I would only ever be able to gamble at Casino Regina or Moose Jaw. But I'm not a casino goer really.

Beatrix kitty got spayed and has been having a rough time. She cries whenever I pick her up. Right now she is cuddled up in my lap, with her purple cone on. It was Hermione's cone when she got spayed. We have many different sizes of cones in our house for animals. Once my rat had surgery and came home with a teeny cone on. Poor Nikolas.

I was told about this one job, being a Special Constable, where you answer calls for the police department. But then I did this investigating into the hiring process and application and it was like 25 freakin' pages long, all about EVERY possible crime you could ever be involved in. Like giving away drugs, or using illegal software, or smoking pot or doing drugs or being in possession of stolen property or being part of protest action groups! Some of it I had done and most of it I hadn't, but to be sure, later on in the recruitment process they do a polygraph test! And they enter it all in your record that future employers could access, and could prosecute you!

So yeah, I don't want to go through that for a job!!!!!

I'm actually wishing I could just make art. And in fact I should get my act together and write 20 more pages of script for my Mars video and grant, which is due at Canada Council by the 1st of October!!!! And I have to write a very detailed budget for it because I am applying in Production this time. And it would be good if I also made a new short to submit as supporting material. It's just something I keep forgetting about working on in addition to my job hunting. Usually I work on my creative stuff late at night, when people are asleep. But instead I scour all the good places for want ads these days.

BORING! Looking for work is so boring. And reading the application for Special Constable was depressing. And I just want to be a famous artist and make a living off my work. No more eeking out a living in call centres. Just be a big shot and travel and be brilliant all the time and get away with outrageous behaviour because I'm an artist after all. I suppose freelancing as a jack of all media trades wouldn't be bad either. A melange of creative/technical work. It would make me happy.

I SHOULD be earning more than I do, I feel, anyway, having gotten a bachelor's degree. But it seems like bachelor's degrees are the new high school and master's degrees are the new standard. And BFA still means bachelor of fuck all. Sure I went to Emily Carr, but do people outside of the art world have any concept of what that means???

Still, career planning and plotting and doing is kind of sexy to me. I may not have always had a girlfriend, in fact mostly not, but I have had a career for half my life. Too bad being a marginalized filmmaker/video artist doesn't pay well. I think I should save up for an appointment with my favorite psychic again and get some direction.

Wednesday, September 01, 2010

Labour Day Weekend Video Challenge!

I don't know, maybe I will inspire someone else to make a video from conception to completion between now and Monday night, the end of the long weekend. I was with an old friend from film school today and we were in a camera store and I picked up a MiniDV tape and decided to make my first High Definition Video. I'm soon going to be in possession of one of the newer FCP's that can handle the HDV format. I suspect my mom's computer can burn Blu-Ray discs. Either way, I need to try That format out because it's going to be the usual thing. Even though I personally have neither a High Def TV or a Blu-Ray player. Grandma says everyone speaks a different language now. She can't keep track of all the technology terms and doesn't really care to either. I kind of admire that, that willingness to totally not even have an email account!
So HDV eh?

Well first of all, I have NO IDEA what to make it about. I know I would like to get some footage of the clouds and the grass and the river. I think I would like to wear some kind of outfit. A good hat at the very least. I'm not sure what the content could be though, like what issue or theme or conflict is going on. Recently I have been thinking about butch identity as a subject, but then I'm really conflicted on what to say about it. I find it more interesting to just insert butch characters without having to explain. I know some people have been slamming Saskatoon to me without ever having been here, so I want it to be kinda about why I like Saskatoon, but not in a Move to Saskatchewan promotional video thing. That would just be weird, I would want major money to do something like that.

I think I want it to be very Lesbian, with a Native nuance and some sprinklings of genderfuck and maybe sex somewhere in there. I suppose this means I should do some writing. I am envisioning a monologue, although a voice over dialogue would be a different twist on the whole thing. I kind of like giving myself all these parametres on a project and then creating something specifically to work within that. It makes me problem solve things and consider things more creatively than if I could do it all perfectly with millions of dollars.

The reason I am using voice over is because the best mic I have is a hand held mic and after a new computer, my next purchase will be a boom shotgun mic with a puppy and everything! <3 I could try and rent a boom mic, but I don't have extra cash besides the 4.96 I spent on the tape.

I am constrained by what I have, and the fact that beyond borrowing, I can get no more! I have no lights, ONE good mic, a few friends who can move around and say mouth words, the Fireworks festival is on this weekend, I have a fedora and a sailor hat and some suitjackets and a tux. I have three dogs and one cat. It's been sunny and mostly green so far, I have a friend with land outside of Saskatoon that has natural prairie on it, all hilly and everything. I have a scanner and Photoshop and can import stills into FCP. I have access to creative commons sound effects.

I've been interested in telling native ghost stories and the paranormal and also some creepy slasher story has been going through my head for the past couple years. But I don't have enough fake blood or the time to make a fake head.

So that's where I am at with my project. As part of my project I will try to check in once a day and report on how I am doing making my first High Def short! Labour Day Weekend Video Challenge!!!!

So join me, it doesn't even have to be a video, make a piece of art. We'll all upload it onto the internet on Monday night, or more likely Tuesday night, and then go oooh at each other's work.

By the way, yes I see the irony of doing work on a holiday. But I like making art, seems a good way to spend some time.