Animals.

That video of the soldier throwing a puppy off a cliff was so horrible, I kept thinking about that poor dog for ages. I hate seeing shit like that because it makes me feel so angry about people who abuse animals. Animals can't defend themselves, especially not a puppy.

MY puppy is doing very well. I was out yesterday for most of the day and he did okay. Of course when I got home he was excited and jumping on me licking me. Silly boy.

I love my dog, I'm so glad I finally get to live with him again.

Last night my kitty was BAD! So bad, first he was getting his claws in the screen window by my bed and trying to pull it out. Then he got his toy mouse and started PLAYING ON ME! It was four in the morning and I finally had to escort him to the bedroom door and kicked him out. Then he banged on the door for a while to get back in.

Bad kitty! Anyway, I slept until a little while ago to try and catch up on my sleep.

So far this coop living is nice. I live kinda far from everything though, So I renewed my learner's license and I'm going to try and learn to drive this summer. I hope I hope.

God Bless America? I don't think so.

Ugh! I hate watching images of what the soldiers are doing in Iraq. Here's another series of horrid clips, including the infamous water bottle chase, and a soldier THROWING a puppy! Not to mention making muslim kids chant We Love Pork. Sick, and the commander of this horrid war is about as sick as the soldiers themselves. Gross. What kind of America are they going to get after this war is over, all kinds of seriously sociopathic soldiers coming back? Are there EVER going to be war crimes trials?

In other news, last night my dog at three in the morning decided to get his squeaky teddy bear out and went squeak squeak squeak all the way from the living room back to my bedroom. It woke me up, that's for sure. Then he went back to bed. Weird dog!

Oscar Steals a Garden Gnome

Some funny for you.

Hurts so good I gotta Soregasm

Cause the tent's so big in your pants baby . . .

I love Peaches. She rocks out! Tonight is my meditation circle with Barb Powell. I'm pretty stoked about it. I'm going to learn about using tools to meditate with. It should be enlightening.

I like doing things to contribute to my personal growth. And I think meditation is very good for bipolar people. I know, none of this has any relation to the Peaches video. You're disappointed, I can tell.

Once I did this amazing candle meditation where my empathy expanded to include creatures all around the world. And I could feel myself as a whale swimming in the ocean, and then an ant walking along the edge of a leaf. When I went really manic there was one point when my empathy expanded again to include all kinds of animals, and I had a really hard time eating meat.

Actually I'm having a hard time eating meat sometimes. It's been difficult. I don't know what that's about. I like meat, I just don't know, if I had to kill it myself I might not be able to.

I read recently about a man in Austria who kept his daughter locked in the basement for over 20 years and fathered seven of her children. Pretty horrid! How can something like that happen? Some people. I wonder what his sentence will be. And three of them never saw the light of day. Ugh!

My dog had a bad night, poor baby. I came home later than I'd hoped, and he was all excited to see me, jumping up and whinging away, and then about half an hour later he started throwing up, and didn't stop for an hour. and he started crying too, poor little guy. Anyway, he's MUCH better this morning and we went for our little walk and stuff. But now there's still puddles of dog puke I have to clean up. He puked so much eventually he was just puking foam. Poor dude. Thats a gross story for you.

I like living in this coop, and I'm starting to get used to taking the long bus. It's actually only about half an hour to get downtown, which isn't bad.

My cuz who had the manic episode is Captain Sleepypants. She crashed at my party around nine thirty and slept until noon the next day. When I went to visit her she was also very sleepy. I guess it's a combination of recovering from mania and getting used to the medication. Which reminds me, I have to pick up my meds today.

Alice B Toklas Brownies

Today is my thirtieth birthday. The main things I have to do are clean up a bit, make pot brownies, and await my guests. It's a classy meal of pizza after hot dogs and hamburgers were stricken from the menu when we couldn't move the barbecue over to my place. So pizza it is.

I don't know who will show up. It might just be a small crowd, but that would be nice too. I think the pot brownies in lieu of a birthday cake is a pretty good idea, but we'll see. Also I've been sick and it's no good me trying to smoke it, because all it does is make me cough and cough. BLEH!

My mother is also sick. I'm over at her house right now waiting for her to finish her nap. She's supposed to take me out for a few things. And I want to get home and get started on those brownies. Making them I mean. I doubt it will take very long. The most involved part is extracting the THC, but I think it should go tickety boo. I've never made pot brownies before, so this is all new for me. I don't think I've even ever had a pot brownie. I've had pot cookies, and other kinds of pot things. I had a drink once that made me hallucinate, I don't know what was in it. But it sure was good.

So I didn't have crepes for breakfast, which kinda sucked, but oh well. No mimosas either. I guess I should get makings for mimosas. It's hard planning your own thirtieth birthday party.

I feel, well, I'm finally thirty. I didn't really think I would make it this far. I outlived Janis Joplin, Jim Morrison, and Kurt Cobain! And yet I haven't nearly achieved as much fame. Oh well, something to look forward to in my thirties. I was so sure I'd be dead by now. And I'm not! And to celebrate, we're having Alice B Toklas Brownies! From Duncan Hines.

I'm trying an oil based recipe, it's supposed to be easier than extracting from butter. BUTTERS! That's my favorite character on South Park. My socks are even matching today, that's how mature I am at 30.

Although 30 is supposedly the new 20. Which means, I'm 20 today! What! NO! I will not go through my 20's ever again! Once was enough!

Bed

I've been sick the past few days with a cold. It's not NASTY or anything, but it's no picnic either. I have been coughing and sniffling for ages it seems. It's slowly going away, but I've still got this heavy feeling. And with my birthday only days away! 2 days till my party! I feel like a slug. I should clean up but
+maybelater
My dog is resting his snout on the keyboard.

I hate being sick. Poo!++++++ ++Uh +oh++++
+
++++
Wel++l++ +h+++th+++i+th++is arangement is n+t working,+ dog!

Okay, I think he stopped.

I'm going to bed, what am I doing tryingto write a blog in this condition!

Blah to the weather and blah to the cold!

The weather here has decided it is still winter, it's weird. It's snowing outside as I type this. Just when I got a nice apartment with a huge balcony! I had to bring two plants inside.

Mum and I have been toodling around getting nesting materials for my new home. I GOT A SET OF HULA GIRL PATIO LANTERNS> fuck1 I have a problem with my computer, in that sometimes it decides certain things need all caps.Anyway, I hate this snow and stuff. It's driving me crazy.

Sleeping here is good, it's a quiet building. I really like that about it. I've moved my birthday party to here. It's coming up on Saturday! Saturday I'm going to be 30!

So I've been trying not to let the snow get to me, but now I also have a cold to go along with it. I could feel it building up all day, and now it's hit. Bleh! I hate being sick. If only I had some cold killing meds. Pooh!

I had one year when I used to get sick all the time, every cold that came by I would get. My immune system must have been shot!

Moved

Well, I've been happily moved into my new apartment. I've been busy getting all hooked up, and spending a lot of time here. This is a place I will stay in for years and years. I hope. I think I'm done tromping around the country. And it's a really nice apartment, there's so much room! I'm still amazed at that. It really is a home. It's way nicer than my old place. I've been running around unpacking and generally getting the place in order. Cleaning. Finally my dog has calmed down enough and is just napping on the chair. The animals have had a rough time settling in. Sometimes Schrodinger wanders around crying. Poor kitty cat!

I am really liking living here. So far I've had three visitors come see me. It's a nice space for hanging out and feeling groovy. And creative. There's nice energy in here. I got plants the other day, some ivy, some gerbera daisies, some thing called a Ponytail. It's funky looking.

It's kind of weird finally being here because I'm probably going to stay here for a very long time. I can't envision losing this place, it's so cheap for what I get. 530 a month for a decently sized apartment!

I'd never get this kind of place if I lived in Vancouver. I'd never be able to afford this place either if it wasn't a co-op.

Co-op living!

In 45 minutes my mom is picking me up to have dinner with the grandparents. I think I'll bring Mister. He's looking depressed, sitting on the chair.
There, I just took him for a walk. He's perked up. Poor little dude.

Moving still . . . .

So the mover fucked up his back and they couldn't move me today. Tomorrow at 10 they'll finally load up all my stuff and take it to the new place. Of course the bed is taken apart and so I have to sleep at Mum's.

I went and saw the new apartment, it's very cute and exciting! There's a small kitchen and a dining room and a big living room and a largish bedroom. And a storage room, which is really a ROOM. I think the animals will be very happy there. In the storage room. No, they get the run of the whole apartment. Schrodinger will be an apartment cat again, he'll be so grumpy. And it's not too far to get Mister out and onto some grass to have a poop.

We're going out to get him some new squeaky toys and stuff to say Hello to the new apartment with.

I met my neighbor already, which was nice. They only do things like that on Wisteria Lane!

Yesterday I got myself a housewarming present of an elephant teapot with an elephant sugar bowl. Today mum picked me up a kit-cat clock. It's really cute! It's eyes go back and forth along with it's tail. And they're pricey! I think. Oh anyway, it's really funny.

It goes nicely with my lime green dachshund lamp.

I'm so excited about my new house, it's hard to sleep thinking about tomorrow and how I will finally be in my new place. With my animals! I went crazy at Petsmart buying them toys. I got Mister a new seatbelt, since he outgrew his old one and I think he's coming traveling with us this summer, so he'll need one. Without a seatbelt he just gets wiggly all over the car and it's not good. I also got them a new water bowl. Schrodinger got some new toys too, and some catnip.

Soon I will be living with a dog and cat to look after all by myself! It's kind of a lot of responsibility. I hope I'm a good mother. And Mister will need to go outside a lot. I'm glad they have each other, they won't get lonely. No only child problem here! Anyway, I have to get up early to get a mcmuffin and move my stuff, finally finally! So goodbye!

MOOOOOVING!

Today I've done so much already and I have MORE TO DO! I'm packing up all my belongings to move into the new place, and it's a pain in the arse. at least now I have all of my camera together. My mother was helping me a lot, which was really nice of her because she has far better organizational skills than I. Maybe I am saying goodbye to my computer before it's gone for good. Oh so sad! Little computer! Not gone for good, gone for 18 hours. So long! No internet for me.

The good news is I am getting cable! No more facebook stalking for me! Now I can watch Britney Spears news! I wonder what meds she's on. I like the ones I'm on actually. Anyway, yes, cable television. I'm thirty and I'm finally getting cable. Now I can watch whatever is on television these days.

Desperate Housewives!

I can rekindle my crush on Marcia Cross and watch agog every week. She is pretty hot, and I think I still have pictures of her in her underwear somewhere around here.

Well, it's officially time to take apart my computer desk and eee, so wobbly it is! I bought myself a housewarming present, it's a white elephant teapot, with an elephant sugar bowl. I hope it works well, teapots can be tempemental.

Anyway, that's the end, until my move is finished.

Happiness

Do you remember the Nothing in the Neverending Story? That was so scary. I feel like that sometimes when I'm depressed, like there's a great big NOTHING gobbling up all the joy.

I'm relatively happy today. I had a good time with my mom at her house after she helped me clean and pack. Then it was nice and warm and sunny and I spent time with the dogs on my mum's porch. And I read about the pregnant man, which was interesting, I know someone with the same situation though. And I've heard of other transmen being pregnant, I wonder why this one hit the mainstream media.

It was a beautiful day. I think when all my moving is done I should help mom clean her porch so we can eat out there. I have four weed seeds sitting on my desk. I wonder if mom saw them.

Last summer, a marijuana plant grew uninvited in her back garden. One day she said to me "What, is THIS!?" and waved around a small smelly green weed. Well, it really was weed. And how it got there nobody knows. Although it probably fell out when someone was rolling a joint.

Pot has been around forever. So have tattoos.

Logical? Nope, guess not.

So I took the bus all the way to my mom's house only to find she locked me out! So no making phone calls. I should have just brought those numbers home with me, to be perfectly sensible. But I'm NOT sensible!

So then I took the bus home. And now I've smoked a joint and am thinking about cleaning. Thinking, mind you. The cleaning part probably wouldn't be so much work if I would just get to it instead of wasting time thinking about doing it and what needs to be done. Blah to cleaning!

So I won't think about it, I will write here instead.

I'm listening to Bjork's Hyperballad. It's so sweet. Reminds me of being a teenager.

A confused horny teenager.

I kind of miss how horny I used to be. But maybe that was really my manic side. Oh man! I can recall mildly manic episodes in high school, but I guess I just thought it was hormones. Either way, being manic can bring on the hornies. Look at Britney Spears, when she couldn't find Adnan, she took home some other paparazzi! She's in bed with the paparazzi, that's like, the lowest you can go! All because of manic hornies.

I feel ridiculously LEVEL. Just totally even. I haven't felt like this in maybe ever. I guess the medication really does work.

I had this friend in high school who used to constantly tell me "It's not LOGICAL!" I just spent ten minutes reading the definition of an non sequitur and my head is spinning. Logic is funny. It's like, just be sensible man! But I am NOT sensible.

Are UFO's logical? I kind of think so. Space is so big and people somewhere probably came up with a way of traversing the universe. We've only had a space program for a relatively few years in the grand scheme of things. Plus I've seen them, with my naked eyeballs! Not more than a mile away!

I can't remember what we argued about when she told me to be more logical. That was so long ago, I only remember the admonition.

I wish mania was more logical. I mean, it's all based in signs and symbols and synchronicities. it doesn't make any sense at all, and it just jumps around from thing to thing.

Blah to Mania!

It seems I am selling work to the National Gallery in Ottawa. Pretty cool! I hope if they screen a bunch of it I get to go out there, I could hang with my friend Ariel. I don't really know anyone else who lives in Ottawa. I know people who go there a lot.

Today I accidentally stood up a friend by forgetting to meet her. I was so confused. I ought to start writing these things down. Is it the medication or the bipolar? Who knows?

I drank three beers tonight. That's like, my limit. and I've been invited out again. i should stay in. I don't know. I ran into a cute person again today, which was kind of nice because we actually met this time. If I go out again, she still might be traversing that way. But I feel sleepy, and it's nearly 11 o'clock.

Had a nerdy conversation about the differences in using HD in regards to the file size on computers.

Trains

Being a prairie girl, I found the idea of trains terribly romantic. I used to watch them with my cousins on the sound barrier behind our grandparent's place. Once my cousin Luke jumped on one and held on for a few feet. Only now do I realize he could have had a terrible accident, but I remember it so clearly. It was a crazy boy thing to do.

They make a great noise. I used to like listening to them in the distance in the house I was a small child in. It was so haunting, a sound that seemed to belong only to the night.

I was 21 when I first rode a train, in Germany going overnight to Paris. The reality of riding a train kicked in, the damn thing kept stopping the whole time, jarring me out of my sleep. Plus it was freezing in the car, we didn't find the heater until the next morning. Ugh!

I don't know why I wanted to talk about trains. They just fascinate me. Once an ex was going to go train hopping for a vacation, I was so shocked. She shocked me a lot.

The city that rhymes with fun

I have spare Risperdal coming out of my ears. I don't know what to do about it. There were two weeks when I could find any and thus didn't take any (bad me), but I did find them eventually. But anyway, now I have boxes of the stuff I don't need. I don't know what to do with it. I should probably take it back to the pharmacy, but how embarrassing.

My tattoo is healing nicely. I'm down in Regina today visiting my cousin Deanna. She's got a really nice apartment.

I don't feel like such a victim of the psychiatric establishment anymore. My last psych trip was quite nice really, except I hated sharing a room, oh man. You can't masturbate! Some people can masturbate in the shower, but I need more time than that. It's such a chore sometimes really.

Today I am off to see the Warhol exhibit at the art gallery. Then maybe to WOT to get a weird t-shirt or something.

Except there is no phone here. Oh man! That sucks! I'll have to walk somewhere and call a cab. Poop.

Well, I had better be off!

Scales of Blood: My Dragon Tattoo

My arm is currently really really sore, but I just smoked a joint so maybe that will take the soreness away. I went in and got most of the work done on my dragon tattoo. Now we're just working on the colouring, which looks really cool. But holy hell, the line work on it was so onerous. Just scale after scale oozing blood. I managed 3 and a half hours before I gave up. I was like, wincing the last five minutes or so. It's so fucking intense. Being tattooed. Then we had to do touch ups on two other tattoos. Oh man, it hurt! I felt like a baby.

Oh man, but when I came home I laughed so hard because the front guy for Nickelback sucked himself off in exchange for a case of beer when he was 14. What a gooney reason! I hope it tasted decent. The beer I mean.

Last night I ordered a pizza and 2 litres of Pepsi and they sent it in this big fountain drink containers. How useless is that?

What do you call an Indian without lips? Pointless.

OMG, someone on Skype, back when I was having those troubles, asked me if I was a "red Indian." I'm actually more like a taupe colour, or light pink. Not red or brown even.

It's a really nice piece of art. It's got stripes like a snake, a corn snake. The dragon I mean. Not Skype, or even the frontmans penis.

I will take a photo of it when the bandage comes off tomorrow.

I used to really admire people with tats because it was such a commitment. This is the most visible tattoo I have, well, the one on my neck is pretty visible too. When I was growing up I never imagined I'd get as into body mods as I am. I think body mods are sexy, unbelievably so, because it's all about owning your own body.

I'm finally getting used to my newest piercing, my labret. I've played with the damn thing all the time, and it's still healing normally.

Random Hawksley Workman Song

Striptease for me baby . . .

The Boy Side rambles.

I guess even though I've decided not to transition, I acknowledge I have a boy side to myself. It's kind of obvious, but I never really consider it much of a bother. It used to really bother me in high school, growing up butch in high school is hell. Bleh! But then again, isn't everyone kind of awkward in their bodies at that age? I was so confused, I wanted to fuck super femmey girls, but I didn't particularly want to look like them. No one really explained butch femme to me at that age, it would have helped to know more about the erotic dynamic I eventually ended up with.

I'm in the process of cleaning my apartment. I decided first I would do the dishes. This was a larger task than I had originally anticipated. Currently some particularly foosty dishes are soaking in the sink, although I did get quite a few clean before having to give up.

I'm also trying to bleach some KoolAid stains from the counter.

I've let my apartment get WAY past it's happy point. It's a great mess.
Now it's much later and I am listening to my coveted HK119 cd. I've already downloaded it to my iPod. AND I got a new Morcheeba album. I'm trying to make a point of buying music, for the sake of musicians everywhere. I download top 40 songs though. Is that a sin? Probably. I should be whipped.

none of my friends are around right now for me to bother. I'm still waiting to hear my friend Robin tell me of her adventures in Vancouver. She's been posting great pictures in her facebook of her trip, including a hilarious photo of an egg/sausage/hashbrowns breakfast sitting next to a full on plate of sushi!

Oh yes, that reminds me, the Saga of the Keyboard. Well it went to pay for my tattoo and some beginner now has it, and is playing his heart out I hope. I sold it for 220. Not bad, but still a financial loss for me. I bought it for like, $280. And it's been barely played with. Anyway, the silly thing is gone. I hate manic spending sprees. At least a tattoo is going to be forever. I'm excited about my new tattoo. It's a dragon the colour of a corn snake. I got it to remember a bunch of people who have passed on, so basically it's a memorial to all my dead friends and relations. Sort of weird I guess, but it makes sense to me the way my brain connects them all. Plus I wanted something colourful and big to go with my flames. So a dragon fits.

Oh man, I haven't checked my dishes. I just got stood up to go out to Lydias! can you believe the nerve! LOL, I wasn't feeling up to going out, I am going under the gun tomorrow. Getting a tattoo is like a ritual almost. I like how it works. It will be an interesting afternoon. And then no hottubbing for me for a while. Boo hoo! No HOT TUBS! Sad me.

oh man, my computer is doing things of a stupid nature. I just made my first iPod playlist so I can listen to all 62 songs I'm listening to most frequently these days.

My computer lost about half it's library back when I departitioned my hard drive. Oh man, don't ever partition a Mac hard drive, it's just a stupid pain in the neck. And then I have this other hard drive that has 200GB on it, so I'm hoping that's enough to make this whole video on.

Oh oh oh! I can put my film back on my camera! I'm going to go test my camera's interface with my computer, I will report back later.