Day 7 of No Alcohol, day 1 of No Pot
Cigarettes are still okay, for now. Some people suggest you quit cigs AND pot at the same time, but I am not. I want to still have one little flimsy vice to cling to. In a month I might quit the cigs too. Okay well, so far so good, I haven't had a toke all day. Of course I was at my Psych Nurse appointment this morning and then work, so of course I didn't do any substances. But now is the tricky part cause it is usually when I get home that I have a joint. Eeee! But, no joint. And there is no way for me to get any anyway.
It's kind of an experiment, at least that is what I am telling myself. I want to know if I can have a better life if I don't use. YOU KNOW< A better life for someone who has bipolar. All the books and all the experts agree that substance use is bad for bipolar disorder, both because it fucks with your medications and your moods. And I've been noticing that pot smoking is making me sad. I always feel kinda useless and other nasty things when I'm stoned. Depressed for sure. I shouldn't say Always, because it wasn't always like this, but yes, depression seems to be the main thing I feel after I get high nowadays. And why would I even court depression in that way>> It's not rational to chase mood disruptions. And alcohol, well, when I got screened back in the summer for addictions, it said that I didn't have issues with alcohol. But it is a depressant and does fuck up meds, so for now I am avoiding it too.
I'm terrified I am going to lose all my friends because they will prefer doing substances than hanging out with me. I know that's not true, but it feels scary all the same. I tried several times to hang out with another friend without doing drugs or alcohol and we got into a big fight and now we're not friends. I hate that. BUT it's better to not be friends than to be friends with someone who wants to drag you down into the bowels, that really sucks.
I'm going to work on my video tonight. I am excited about this. I can stay up late because I don't have to be at work until 1:30 tomorrow!!! :D
The video is needing a couple fixes and some photos put in. I've already digitized all but ONE photo, now I need to find the proper places to put them on the timeline. And then once I have them placed and at the right length, I am going to try and work with wireframes to animate them a bit, make it really slick. The soundtrack has some sweetness, but it's pretty minimal, I might try and add some more juicy sounds and see if I can make it just a bit tastier. I'm kind of staggered by the amount of material I have amassed to make this video from. I'm especially stoked by the photos I have digitized care of Grandma and Grandpa.
I should really hop to it if I want to have a good editing session.