Today was rainy and yucky. We drove to two different Walmarts looking for 4 packs of 4mg nicotine lozenges and didn't find any! Finally we gave up and went to a Shoppers Drug Mart where I picked up two 4 packs for Germany. Hopefully I have enough for a long slow taper off from my NRT. I didn't put on my patch this last week by accident, and then when I finally remembered it was late in the day, like supper time, and so I decided lozenges alone were good enough. Yay for getting off the patch! :D I sometimes get whiffs of cravings, but then I take a lozenge and it goes away. I'm still doing good not smoking weed. And I am still not drinking.
I had my first driving dream finally. BUT it was a terrible dream! I dreamt all this snow got on the speedometer so I wiped it off, but it took the indicator bar with it so I had no idea what speed I was going! I was going too fast and took a wrong turn and ended up on Victoria Bridge (which in real life is condemned and thus closed to traffic) and it is a really skinny bridge because it was made for horse and cart traffic, and so I ended up in the wrong lane and hit someone head on! I felt really bad because it was my second accident and I was sure I was going to lose my license! I woke up and was so relieved it was all just a bad dream. But jeez, I had been looking forward to my first driving dream, I had imagined it would be about freedom and involve a lovely Sunday drive in a red convertible with a cute girl sitting next to me in a headscarf and sunglasses blowing kisses at me and giggling and feeling up my thigh! Now THAT would have been an awesome driving dream! But no, I get the anxiety dream. Sigh!
It's my second night in this weekend. Last weekend I stayed in too. I'm hardly hanging out with anyone anymore. It kinda sucks. I'm looking forward to when one of my friends comes back to town, but we partied pretty hard, and now we won't. Hmm. The good thing is instead I am spending a lot of time with my Mom and Grandma. And Grandpa, who's in the hospital right now healing from surgery for cancer. It's nice hanging around with my Grandparents because I have a strong feeling they don't have much longer left. They are 91 and 93. That's old for a human! Grandma is ready to die. I know she is. She's getting tired of living because she has all kinds of memory problems and osteoarthritis and a broken rib and disintegrated discs in her back. She has the early stages of dementia, and it's getting worse and worse really fast actually. She keeps forgetting where I am going and all kinds of things. I feel for her. Mum told me she wants me to push her over a cliff when she reaches 88. She doesn't want to go downhill like her Mum.
And yet I still want to go to Toronto next year.
I'm glad I came home in 2006 though, just to spend time with my family again. It's been nice seeing my sister a whole lot, and taking care of my Grandparents and being with Mum. It's been especially good with my Mum since we worked through our issues. We get along a lot better.
And I got Little Mister when I moved back! My sweet little baby! Aw I love him, I hope he and I find a good home in Toronto. I am gonna miss him while I am in Germany. He makes me feel so happy! <3 Such a cutie love bug!
I wish I could get traditional Cree women's tattoos, but they are facial tattoos and people are so judgey about that. That's an aside!
It's Pride week in Saskatoon, but I am gonna miss the Parade! Oh well. I am thinking of going down to Berlin for Christopher Street Day June 23rd. I've been having a hard time finding a bus ticket down there though, it seems to be all sold out. I shall keep investigating! :) I'm so excited about my trip! :D My first sober trip! And a residency, it's gonna be awesome! I'm gonna work so hard at making a good video AND seeing the city and meeting the people! I hope my money lasts! I am going to be very frugal and cook as much as possible!