Friday, January 04, 2013

I've got a feeling this year's for me and you.

I got my York Student number, so I filled out my supplementary form and included the emails of my references.  Supposedly in two days or so they will get an email with a link to the form they have to fill out for my reference.  I also got to specify in the form that I am applying to the Screenwriting stream of the MFA in Film program.  I felt a bit relieved because when I applied earlier it just let me choose film, and I had a little anxiety that they would assume Production.  Anyway, yadda yadda yadda!  I have one week left before I want to get ABSOLUTELY everything in the mail.  That means working doubly hard on my stupid paper.

Then we went to Staples this afternoon so I could get some brass brads for my screenplay and Mum could get sign making supplies for the flash mob tonight.  While I was wandering around looking for my mom my phone rang.  It was X Corporation!  They called me in for an interview! :D  It is Monday in the early afternoon! I have to fill out an official application form when I get there, including three work related references, and I have to bring in my health card and drivers license so they can do a criminal record check.  I also need new pants, because the pants I have now are all jeans with ripped hems at the ankles.  Or blue coloured jeans.  And my pinstripey pants are too tight and hurt when I wear them and make me spill out like a split sausage.  I don't mind being a sausage, I just don't think it's profesh to look distressed in that way during an interview.  So, new pants!

Dressy pants!

I'm terribly excited.  I really want a part time job that pays 26 dollars an hour!  That would be insanely awesome!

I'm also excited about grad school.  I really feel like I have a strong chance.  I picked references who really know me and my work, I have good examples of my writing, I am able to get a special admissions process because of my disability and how it impacted my grades.  I think I would do really well in the program.  I'm always writing anyway, I like writing.  It would be nice to have school work that doesn't require having to book equipment all the time to complete it.  I could just spend as much time as I wanted on my laptop writing writing writing!  That's fun!  And coming up with the story is fun, I really like that part.  I like going for walks and thinking too.  Even if it's just around the block.

The only thing that sucks is I keep hearing scary stories of sexual assaults at York on campus.  I hope I have a safe time there, should I get in.

What else?  Oh I dunno.  I'm thinking of someone romantically again, and it's not the best idea to ponder such notions.  Even if she does love me too.  Because she doesn't want to be with me.  And I can't keep hanging on to nothing.  I guess I am just going there because there's no one else I am currently interested in who is an actual possibility.  It's so weird, I can get over someone really fast sometimes, and other times it just DRAGS OUT FOR YEARS~!  I guess those are the times I am in love.  It's just that it would be nice to be in love for years with someone who actively loves me back and likes being with me and realizes my worth.  Instead of this shit.  I just think I'm going to be single until I am on my feet in Toronto and in school and meeting people through friends and so forth.  I'm not going to meet anyone in Saskatoon.  I'm too much of a weirdo for this town and too many people think weird things of me from when I had my addictions and so on, like my major manic episode and shit like that.  And I live with my mom here.  No one wants a girlfriend who lives with their mom.  And I'm not even famous here, I was more famous in Vancouver.  People recognized me on the street.  Here I am just some Cuthand weirdo.

Anyway, I need to do something nice for myself.  I've decided if I get this fancy job I am getting a leather jacket and a new tattoo.  I've put off the Industrial piercing for now, because I think that would make wearing a headset hurt.  And that would suck.

OH!  So anyway, we went to the Flash Mob Round Dance at Circle Centre Mall tonight!  Mum came and she had an Idle No More sign!  A news report said 1800 people were there!  It was awesome!  I had a good time!  I like feeling involved in a revolution.  I feel like there's a chance we could get somewhere! 

Maybe that optimism is just something that is spilling into the rest of my life.  Good things are happening.  The other good thing if I get this job is I'll be able to save up money for moving to Toronto to go to school, including cash to buy things like a cheap desk and couch and various household items.  There's an IKEA near residences sort of.  It's the one with the monkey in the parking lot!

I'm not going out very much anymore.  Not since I quit drinking.  I feel like I need to get out more again. 

The other good thing is I finally got my hair cut and I look like a cute respectable human being again!  It makes me feel good!

If I had a girlfriend again, I don't know what I would do.  I feel like I have forgotten all the girlfriendly things I used to do.  I remember buying flowers for girls, and funny books, and erotica, and making crepes in the morning, and going to greasy spoons for breakfast, and holding hands and kissing in the street and forgetting to worry about it because my girlfriend was so cute, and making supper together, and curling up in bed and watching movies, and having sex to music.  Hmm, and going out to movies and leaning in close to each other.  And watching my last girlfriend be mean to the waiter because he kept hitting on her while we were talking and she got pissed off.  That's the only circumstance I approve of being mean to the waiter by the way.

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