I've been doing pretty good these days. Some things are happening in my life. I have a job interview coming up at the beginning of August. It's for a residency type position where I would be an emerging director in the theatre. I don't want to say too much about it until the closing date for applications passes. Except I am pretty stoked about it and hopefully it will really improve my life and give me a new purpose and expand my skill set for when I go on to direct feature films and such.
Tomorrow I am going for coffee and a walk with this cute girl I mentioned three entries ago from OKC. That should be fun. I'm not viewing it so much as a date as more of a hang out with the potential to become friends. BUT if sparks happen I am open to it! I just don't want to put pressure on the situation. She is pretty cute though.
Speaking of cute girls, I ran into someone I have mentioned here who I have an extensive history with and for lack of a better word I refer to as an ex. An ex whatever. Whatever we were doing that ended up breaking my heart. It was a good encounter. We made idle chit chat and she laughed at a silly thing I said and in the end she let me hug her, which was really nice. We haven't seen each other since 2007. I was going crazy wondering why we had never run into each other when we lived in the same city this whole time, but finally finally we saw each other. I think it was positive. Even though she will never love me.
I sometimes feel dumb for still loving someone who doesn't love me and never will. I guess that's the thing about love though, feeling it for someone isn't a guarantee they will feel it back. And even though I think I am pretty loveable, she doesn't see it. Which is too bad for her I guess.
I am kinda sleepy. It's late, and I need to get to sleep earlier. I have to stop falling in love with people who aren't interested in me! And Emma still doesn't want to be friendly friends with me since I confessed love to her last summer. I'm still on restricted profile. I have a terrible feeling she is waiting until I have a real relationship with someone else before she lets me interact with her again, and I have an even worse fear that I'm gonna be single for ages longer and still cut off from friendship with Emma! OH MANS! She was my sober pal. I really miss that.
Steven has been out of the house for the last two nights, tonight is the third night he has been gone and we have no clue where he is. I kind of wonder at what point we should put up posters or whatever. BUT he is leaving on Thursday for good, and we are renting that suite out for September 1st. So it's been almost like he is already gone, nice and relaxed and happy. Even Little Mister has calmed down. He hated Steven. Still, where the hell is Steven? Oh well.
What else? Oh hell, I don't know! My piercing is healing well, crusty but good. I did weight lifting with Laurel this past week and my body ACHED! But it was good, and I think I am gonna do it again. She left the next day for Manitoba, so I was without my workout pal. But she comes home on Monday and then I think we are back to the gym! I really do want those toned arms. I guess I could lose ten pounds. My weight had been going down for a while and then I quit the gym and started baking pies and I gained a bunch of weight. It's awkward, because I am fat positive. But also, I don't like always having to buy new clothes. So there's that.
I do miss her, the Ex. I mean, even just as a friend that I could hang out with, I miss her that way. But somehow I kind of think I would always lean towards romantic feelings towards her. She did get my virginity, that's kind of a big deal. They say you always love your first love. Too bad I wasn't her first love too, then she would always love me instead of never loving me.