How Do You Fill YOUR Hole?

Yes, I affirm that it is important for lesbians to have access to pornographic materials which "do it" for them. God, I hope Nike doesn't get after me for using their slogan. Recently I went with a friend to a lesbian strip show. An hour before the show we were full of sushi and feeling psyched. Bring on the boobies! Four hours later, we were depleted. Sucked dry and horny as hell, surrounded by dykes on the make. Meat Market Madness, ladiez were taking it off and sweating all over each other while I quietly sipped my beer.

Some of us are not players, looking deperately for a happy medium between burlezzque and potlucks. Something sexy yet serious, monogamous leather ladies. Where are they? I am disillusioned with the dyke dating scene. Tired of being treated like an easy lay by the easy lays. The hottest dyke sex scene in a film recently was Mullholland Drive, and yet there was no sex if you really look at it. Sometimes the hint of something is dreadfully hotter than getting it all.

No one knows this better than me. With a list of unrequieted loves longer than the string on my mittens, I have had tortured moments of agony that in their own strange way become exquisite. But I am digressing. I was not going to talk about my non-existent love life. I was going to talk about The Hole.

The Hole is what everyone feels but no one talks about, like a fart in polite company. We all have a hole in our life that we try to fill with some meaning to make the meaninglessness of it all a little more bearable. Some people fill it with casual sex. In fact, this is how I got onto the topic of The Hole to begin with.

My ex's have all moved on to have millions of romps. And they seem to have filled their Hole, and it makes me jealous in a way, because it's so celebratory. whereas for me, it seems so much quieter, my own private passions. But what do I fill my Hole with? Not casual sex, the last time I did that I got lonely halfway through and wanted to go to sleep. I'm not really the type to have sex outside of marriage. Good thing it's finally legal for me to get married. I'm only being half serious.

But really, what is my Hole filling hobby? I have an internationally recognized art practice that sometimes is fulfilling. But if I had to say what fills my Hole, I would say Media. The Internet, Television, and Movies. Thank God I was born in the 20th Century or I would be completely empty. Is that shallow?

And what is the Hole? Is it really emptiness, the void? Or is it the core essence of ourselves, the one part of being human that we avoid dealing with out of fear of being the embodiment of mediocrity?

Too many questions. I wish I was shallow enough that all I needed was meaningless sex. Or that I had enough sense that I could be happy with casual sex. Oh well. Time to smoke a j and surf the net and ponder big worldly events so I don't have to think about my own teetertotter existence.

UPDATE: Relevant Link to The Parking Lot Is Full comic that I've been reading today.