Dependable, Friendable.

This writing everyday is hard work! Especially for a blog I don't get paid for. I do a lot of unpaid work for my career sometimes. No one has ever paid me for writing this blog. But that's okay, I don't need money. Well, yes I do. But I like writing anyway. Okay, whatever, what I am just doing is trying to jump start a blog topic by blathering.

I'm doing pretty good. I have started getting people asking me to come present work at different places in Canada and elsewhere and it's pretty exciting. I like traveling for work related reasons.

Okay so the love of my life did end up writing back about Matthew, and it was a nice email and so I am not so weirded out. Although I still don't know what to think of that girl. She stirs up such intense emotions, it's hard to just move on. But I am getting there, I think. Nothing has happened for so long and she doesn't even want to see me so I am just going to HAVE to get over her if I ever want a meaningful long term relationship with someone. And I know I could fall in love with someone else. Besides all that, I have a feeling she prefers men over women for long term committed type relationships. Depressing!

OMG! I have to run and take my morning meds!

Taken! I have to throw out my little celexa halves now. I've had such a low sex drive for months and months because of that stupid pill, and the first time I got off of it I got all depressed and fucked up again. BUT this time I am on 300mg of Wellbutrin and doing fine! :D Which is funny because I had a bad reaction to Wellbutrin the first time I went on it when I was 20 and had never been on any pharms before. Ugh!

I guess my tolerance to brain tinkering medication is better. More better, even!

Oh I don't know. I really do love that girl. But I mean, whatever, she's not into it, what the hell am I supposed to do about that? I wouldn't even know where to find her in this damn city, and I am pretty sure she has a new phone number. All I have is email contact, it's ridiculous! I can't woo anybody over email, no matter how charming I try to be! And she doesn't want to be my friend on facebook, which is like, well I mean OBVIOUSLY she doesn't want me to be that close to her. Which means even if I did know where she was, it would be creepy of me to show up there with flowers and a violin. Assuming I could play said violin, which I can't. She'd probably break my violin that I can't play over my head, and throw flowers in my face, and maybe call the police as well! WTF????

So, well, see! I have to get over this girl! She's going to call the cops on me if I don't and cops aren't nice to Natives in this city!

Okay, I take it all back. I'm sorry. Probably if there was a woman who wasn't quite as strange as I she would consider them for a long term committed relationship if she were even single, which she usually isn't, for as long as I have known her.

I on the other hand have had a handful of short short short relationships, lasting months not years! And long expanses of singleness in between. I've liked being single actually, some people hate it, I used to hate it, but it's actually really comfortable and nice and makes you develop different support networks than if you are in a relationship. Still I feel like I've learned all I can from being single.

But I mean, who knows what the future has in store for me??? Maybe I am supposed to be single for the rest of my life?? Maybe I'm supposed to become some kind of video making hermit in some old house in like, Dalmeny!

Oh man, I am not doing the work I am supposed to be doing this afternoon, which is answering emails and making proposals and I should probably print off some loan applications too. Okay, no more dilly dallying talking about how I am in love with someone who doesn't want to be my facebook friend even. I should just limit romantic interests to people who are friendable.