A break? An epiphany?

One day I was walking with my mum in a spot where we used to roll joints when she ripped a plant out of the ground and said "Smell this and tell me what it is!" So I did and I said, "It's weed!" I dn't know how that little plant managed to grow that big without any of us noticing what it was. I used to live at another place that had real opium poppies growing in the backyard.

Accidentally growing drugs is funny. I don't grow drugs. I just grow little household plants, like this funky little tree I bought last year.

Anyway, I'm still recovering from New Years, I partied pretty hard and it's made me tired. I can't do that again for a while.

I'm waiting for some inspiration to hit. I'm really stuck again.

I've also realized I am ready to meet someone new. I think I am anyway.

I had a dream about a friend who had died. She was exactly the same as she was in real life! It was so vivid for a while I thought she had come back to life. Then I woke up. But I still felt happy.

these days I have been noticing I'm a bit down, but I think that's because I had lower back pain. I still kind of do. I don't know what it's from, so I think I should see my doctor about it.

I really need my creative juices to start flowing again. I've been watching the Simpsons and Corner Gas whenever I can, and then I'm just reading the news. Barely even writing, much less editing. I also need to shoot more.

I'm sad to report that my rhino video got pulled from Youtube. It still remains on my facebook. There are tons of other rhino sex videos on youtube, but male on male rhino fellatio gets deemed inappropriate. It was cute! Aw, oh well.

In other news, well, nothing. I found out I didn't get a grant, which sucks but is okay because I haven't worked on it enough. As an idea. I may apply for another screenwriting grant or research-creation grant. I have to get my video done first though, which is why I'm waiting for my creativity to come back.

Maybe it is the weed smoking. Maybe I should go on a really long break, until I get some work done on my project. That would be a good idea. And I should clean.

I think I'm gong to do a long break off of drugs and real quit tobacco. I haven't smoked tobacco all day, which is good. I'm still on the patch. I did smoke some pot, but after that I have n more left, and that's fine by me. Maybe I'll be more creative without weed in my life, more stable even. I'm going to experiment and find out. It will be my New Year's resolution to not let weeds fill the cracks in my life and learn who I am without it.

Hmm, so I guess we will see how it goes!

But I will still drink beer!