Wednesday, May 27, 2009

A ramble through the life of a non smoker who has bipolar disorder

Today marks the two week anniversary of quitting smoking. I am proud of myself! I think this is going to be the one. I have no desire to start up again either because I have gained valuable insight into what life is like to NOT smoke. The way my house smells nicer and all that. And then there is the expense. I saved $68.25. Well, not LITERALLY, I don't have $68.25, but if I'd kept buying smokes that's what I would have spent these last two weeks. Also according to my quit gadget, I have saved 1 day and 13 hours of my life by quitting.
Hey, my friend and cousin Deanna told me she read somewhere that there IS sex on the other side, but it's 100 times better and way longer than sex on this side of whatever thing you cross when you die. And they consider it souls merging to become one on that side.
Which is kinda what I think it is on THIS side too.
I'm listening to Peaches new album I Feel Cream. It's pretty good!
Fuck ya like a billionaire!
I'm doing pretty good. I was worried I would get depressed with my antidepressant going down, but I haven't! And my sex drive is back even though I am still on my antidepressant. So THAT's all good. I'm happy with that.
I have to do some writing for my video. I think I will do that today, it's nearly 1pm and I haven't been called in to work yet. It's kinda nice just hanging out. But the whole point of being on call and working part time was so that I could work on my art practice more.
Which I'm NOT doing, I am so dicking around. I don't know why, maybe I am waiting for inspiration to hit? That always happens to me. But I need to look over my footage again and really focus on it and turn it into something profoundly beautiful.
That's hard to do when I am always on Facebook.
Today for the first time this summer I put on shorts. It felt so liberating when I found out I could still fit them.
Psych meds put on the pounds, I am telling you! And like, ALL of them do that. I think I was on one that didn't and I went kind of crazy on it. I took two days of pills and then went cold turkey because it was too weird to be on. Wellbutrin. Also known as Zyban and used to quit smoking! It smells like rotting eggs. It's disgusting stuff.
Anyway, I'm happy that I'm the same size as last summer, because I didn't want to go out and buy all new shorts, like I've had to do for a few years now. It's a little demoralizing.
I don't mind being fat, but during the years I kept growing horizontally I just wanted it to quit already because of the clothing issues. Cute clothes one year wouldn't fit the next, and so I learned to rely on t shirts a lot.
But t shirts are only cute for so long.
I am thinking of getting pierced again, but I have to save up money for it. I also have to save up money for a tattoo.
Two of my cousins are getting all tattooed up and it's pretty cool to see. I think more of them have plans to get tattoos too.
Piercings and tattoos are so sexy. Except for sometimes. I mean, like some gory tattoo, that's not very sexy to me.
My ex had tattoos of worms on her shoulder and they were all smudgy, I don't think she liked them much. So far I don't have tattoo regret. I need a couple touched up, but I wouldn't change any of them.
My tattoo artist is working elsewhere, and I don't know where she went. I am bereft. No Dr Saffy and no Rachel!