Wednesday, February 01, 2012

Adjusting to my new life

It's now two weeks. One third of the way through the first heavy duty detoxing six weeks of being clean. I paid my debt to The Dude and deleted his number from my phone. I know if I was wiley I could get in touch with him again, it's really mostly symbolic, but symbolism helps. I did buy a 50 dollar bra, I went to my favorite bra store and got fitted (40D) and picked out this cute navy blue soft cup number with some white lacy accents. Then I bought a book called "Butch is a Noun" by S. Bear Bergman which I had seen around and which I read while waiting for The Dude to meet me and get his cash. It's really good, and especially relevant considering I am now making a video about being butch.

I've told my Mom that she can give my portable vaporizer to her friend who wanted it when I was done with it, and I am done with it.

There's not much else exciting about quitting. I went to the gym tonight and did my routine and then sat in the sauna and talked with my friend Carrie. Working out that hard elevated my mood, which was really good for me. I'm really getting into it.

Introductions to the weight room jumped from 30 bucks to 47! :O Woah! Still, I do want to learn, so when some more cash comes in I will fork it over.

I figured out exactly how to properly rip a DVD for FCP X, I just have to buy the software. I was doing an experiment with the trial software and it worked, but it puts a watermark on the video so it was just a test. Either way, I am glad because now I can finally get to work and rack up some billable hours.

I'm needing to find a good place to do my work. Someplace quiet, where Coronation Street isn't on.

My grant money is supposed to come in on Friday or Monday. I need to buy the plane ticket soon, before the fares go up up up. I guess I should also check my passport and find out when it expires. The folks in Australia didn't get their funding, so it looks like I am not going after all. Maybe that is a good thing, I can't really afford a trip to Australia AND a month in Germany in one year. Not yet anyway.

I'm seeing my psychic in less than a week! :D I'll get to know my future! And if I should just let this one thing go or not. I really need to know. My friends told me I wouldn't let it go even if she told me I should. Maybe they are right. But at least then I would be aware it was hopeless.

I don't know the next step in my recovery. I guess I could go to 12 step meetings, but I don't really like AA or NA. I'm going to my concurrent disorders group again on Friday. They are pretty helpful. I'm still reading that website with a page for each of the first 30 days. Today it was about deep breathing and "taking a breather" when one is stressed out. I suppose I could write about my feelings in my diary, the feelings I don't express in my blog.

I'm so relieved my debt is paid and that I deleted his number. It was weighing on me. Now I feel like I can move on.

Spring is coming soon and I am still not done my friggin' scarf. Dammit! I'll be done it for next year, next year I will have the nicest warmest scarf ever!

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