Monday, March 19, 2007


I think I know why I came back. Apparently I visited my sister when she was born, and I think I must have just been so delighted with her, because I fell in love with her right away. And not romantic love, just love. But I also realized that my mom was going to have to raise her by herself, and that was worrying, because I knew what happened to disabled people, I knew they are practically the canaries of the world. What happens to people with disabilities indicates the health of the society. And I didn't want my mum to raise a little canary all on her own. So I came back to be with my sister. And in a lot of ways it was to protect her and make sure she ended up with a community of people who totally loved her for who she is. But I think it was also a lot of responsibility for a tiny baby soul, and sometimes it was overwhelming. But it was really worth it, because she was the best spiritual teacher I ever had. And I made mistakes and she made mistakes and mom made mistakes because none of us really knew what we were doing except trying to make sure we all survived life as well as possible.

But what I hadn't realized is that gifted people are also the canaries of the world. And I don't think mum realized it either, because I don't know if Sarain ever let anyone see his particular positive disintegration process. So when I was seven I suddenly hit the beginning of positive disintegration, and it didn't make any sense to people around me because I got really depressed. But I think part of the depression was just that I was always hearing kids yell words like retard, and I knew that my sister was some kind of supreme spiritual figure, and to hear her diminished by hateful stupid people was really horrid. And then of course my own overexcitabilities just made me pick up on EVERYONE's weird crappy feelings. So suddenly coming back so I could look out for Sky made my mom's job twice as hard, because now she had two kids that didn't fit with the child rearing model at all, and plus she had no idea how to deal with my sensitivities because I would just seem to crumble when something bad happened. I got out of it often though, just by continuing to think about things. But when I crumbled I really crumbled hard.

I knew I was a reincarnation, but I never remembered much of my previous life, only the life before then when I was on the run from the nazis. But I think there was a reason I remembered that life, because I would remember that the first people damaged by the Nazi party would often be the disabled people. And I knew instinctively that the second world war wasn't really won, it just moved to a different location. And so when the Ashley X thing happened, I thought oh fuck, it's those damn Nazi's again. And I'll bet I could tell you what the politics are of the doctors who sat on the ethics committee for Ashley's treatment.

Here's a tidbit which is why I think the Nazi's actually won the war. Ewan Cameron, the man who pioneered psychic driving in Montreal, sat on the tribunal at Nuremberg. Logically this means the Nazi's actually tried and convicted themselves, to present some kind of justice. But they saved key figures and moved them around, including Mengele, who went to the Americas. And if you look at the family which sponsored the Nazi party, at least one of them was the Bush dynasty, Prescott Bush, George W. Bush's grandfather. Families usually learn from the mistakes of their ancestors, but not all families. Prescott Bush made a lot of money from the fascist party, all that jewish gold got transferred around, it was a capitalist venture that ultimately worked. And Hitler was a great fall guy, we all know he was a bad dude but we never really acknowledged that there were people who supported him for a long time. He preyed on German nationalism, and the fact that they had a failed war they wanted to make up for. They used the weaknesses of the people, again, to advance a particular agenda. And they also perfected a type of psychiatric care that has been highly influential in both Canada and the US through experiments on prisoners. And they also puffed up the idea of what spiritual powers they had because they were toying with lower level energies and thought they'd hit the pinnicle of spiritual knowledge.

They have a major fatal flaw though, and all it is is ignorance. They're not even doing stuff they believe in anymore, they're following computer programs that were invented ages ago, but their psyches are so flawed that they don't get it. They have dissociative identity disorder, and the problem with DID is that it works in predictable ways, which is why if you learn how programming works you can anticipate every move they make. Scarier still, if you really understand how programming works you can actually tell someone what happened to them to put in that program, and that freaks people out. And it's not because you can read minds, it's just because you know what happens. For instance, if someone tries to tell you who you are, it's because that's who they are. If someone accuses you of something, you know that it's because that is in their past. They might be empathetic, but screen memories block what's really going on in the world. The fact that the Reagan administration believed in Armaggedon in and of itself is fucked up, because they advanced things to make a metaphor a reality. And it's a common block in the spiritual growth process, it's the half way mark that people feel content to stay at because it implies power and wealth.

I don't think everyone should read about programming though, because it sounds really scary and can bring on trauma in more empathetic individuals. But I do think empathetic people can learn to block other people's energy, which is something I'm interested in learning now.

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