What it feels like

I haven't said too much about what this process involves, but maybe I should in case people start feeling it.

I'll just talk about the recent stuff. When I started being able to really see stuff as it is, my eyes went totally weird for at least three days. I was hiding in the basement so that my mom wouldn't see and take me to the doctor, because the doctor would have no clue. Anyway, my eyes felt like they were on fire, they just BURNED! And not only that, they were spewing water constantly, it just never ended. And sometimes it would calm down but it would flare up again. I started calling a friend in Vancouver about it and said "I can see the rainforest in my eyes!" Because I could, I could see this vast green space of trees that just ran along my eyes. I think she said something like "Yeah, that's a good story." And I'm just like "No, I'm fucking serious!"

And then when my crown chakra started opening a whole bunch of programs I didn't know I had cracked right open, just gone. I've never honestly broken through my omega program before. I know people thought I might commit suicide, but I don't know, one day it all suddenly unfolded, after I talked to someone actually about what I saw. And then the stagnant water smell came out of my sweat because I started going into die offs. And the sweat started smelling like urine for at least 24 hours, I just reeked up the whole house. The eighth chakra is opening now too, and it's the last one that has any human stuff in it, so I'm just watching all of this baggage get chucked out insanely. And I also remember that my sweetheart and I both did clear our old karma when we died the last time. Really, we could be having all kinds of memories but we actually only have karma from this one lifetime bothering us. And I think we've been working through that.

I've never had to learn about more than the seventh chakra, but there really are twelve chakras all together and they start showing up in funny places. And there's also a bit of a trap on the way, because there is a point where it feels like you have that kind of 12th chakra ability, but mostly you can't use it because you're still tied down to a bunch of things. A lot of spiritual seekers tend to stop here, but in Buddhism they say to not be decieved by the cloudy light of hell. So yeah, there is a pretend heaven that you have to be looking out for, because some people just quit there, especially when they start walking through two worlds at once. That's a weird transition period, it's pretty scary actually, unless you have faith. Especially if you've been facing demons for like four years! I don't know though, four years of the spiritual equivalent of waving a broom around to keep things away, that does end up training you in a funny way. I mean, it's horrible, they like to play all kinds of mind games mostly. But it did make me learn how to draw down white light anytime I needed to.

I told some things to come back later, I mean, they are around but I knew I couldn't talk to them yet, and I know they respected it, which was good. I'd hear them standing outside my door talking to each other, women's voices mostly. Some male voices. Talking about me, but that was okay. And I can't wear a watch at all anymore, I keep killing them over and over. It doesn't matter how many times I change the battery, they will not work at all, the magnetic energy keeps jamming them. And sometimes if I'm with certain people street lights start turning off.

I know some people tried to follow me around to intimidate me, but I think I had scary eyes that day because I knew exactly what they were doing and just turned and smirked at them and they drove off in a panic. They were sort of malevolent people, I mean they had a ridiculously high tech car, I have never seen so many instrument panels in a car. And they were so ridiculously transparent.

The thing is the energy keeps running up and down because now it's clearing old stuff that was left in my body, and that looks intense too. Sometimes I start spasming and jerking up and down uncontrollably, like a seizure but not, I can feel this crazy power running up and down my spine. And I do see old things get thrown out from my root on up, it's wild. I'm trying to avoid being trapped in one feeling forever, although the in love feeling was like a whole day of just laying around going "Woah!" I couldn't really move much when that started. The sex part really is intense, but that can become a trap too. Not to say you shouldn't have sex, just that there's this point where you might be tempted to just have sex and that is it. I mean, so many pitfalls! It's crazy. There's another pitfall right now of being too tied in with the news that is being reported, because NOW the really scary news starts coming out, and it can trap people in a kind of blood lust. I get it, I know why. But it's a trap too, although it is useful in that finally citizens aren't going to take it anymore. I would hate to be someone in any kind of power structure right now, because it's a really vulnerable place to be in, I mean if you have secrets they are coming out whether you tell them or not, even if that secret is being used against you. So that is weird. People are being judged right now on how they deal with this, and not just by me, by EVERYONE. Judgment was never a one person thing, it has always belonged to the people.

Anyway, yes, there you have it, that's what's been going on. I'm walking at least two hours a day now, my feet are not used to it which is hard, but it's going okay. I'm noticing people start to see me, I mean, the real me, and that's interesting because some people are terrified and then some are just so relieved. It's the ones who are relieved that make me happy. And there was a little kid the other day who gave me this great smile, like he totally knew what was up. That's the thing, spiritually it's also delocal, so even people NOT online are feeling something. There are a number of knots that can be so painful they can drive people to suicide, I mean seriously, if you feel suicidal you have to hang on and have faith, because the suicide thing isn't working anymore. It's an old feeling of needing to sacrifice yourself for the greater good. We need you here.

Anyway, my dad is coming in today, which is good, because I had no idea how to start talking to him. I know he hates it when I call him dad though, so I guess I will call him Edward because that is more comfortable for him.