Sunday, April 01, 2007

Dinner conversation

My family is reacting weirdly, some better than most. My mom doesn't want to talk about it but she suddenly started cleaning, and cooking, and that was scary! My grandparents are over tonight and they talked non stop about the various things we were eating. They look really tired. My cousin sent me an email saying she had a dream I was a boy and she was all "OMG!" Because that's the statement of the century. OMG!

No, she's cool about it. I dunno, it's funny. I think it makes sense to people, even if they find it unusual or whatever. I mean, I've always been a boy to them really. In my weird way.

Learning to date is weird though, that is so weird! Probably because of the unspoken gender thing, I mean, I'm sure I did confuse a lot of people as to why someone so guy like would not have come out already. And obviously I knew something was up. But mostly I didn't want to be a guy without honestly understanding the problems inherent between men and women, and everyone else on the spectrum. I thought it would be a better idea to hold off until I could try and occupy every gender on the spectrum before deciding. And it was weird, because some of those genders would turn out to be just archetypes and not really correspond to an actual identity. I mean, the underlying tension of gender identity can be lost sometimes, because it is always this tense negotiation between your gender and the larger world.

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