Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Haven't you ever been Alan Smithee'd?


Alan Smithee is a name given to a participant in a film which they have no interest in making. I decided to crack the Alan Smithee code. I looped it through a unicode server which already exists in several different languages, all indigenous. It is based in a unicode mainframe. I can't access my computer without compassion. I looped it through Gmail. I took Nels Nielson off of my gmail account because he invited me and then we had a spat, at work. Anyway, whatev man.

I based Luke's Alan Smithee account on Monty Python and The Holy Grail. After it was cracked I saw it was signed by Richard M. Nixon. A joke? Probably. Maybe. Either way, it was really funny when I finally watched it. I made it talk in French and all other languages, and I made it disability accessible. I also videotaped what it looks like in chaos theory, which is fucked up! I mean, the images. It was all wavy and zooming around and stuff. Either way, I am working through Stanford's Project Backrub, which is what Google is. I cancelled my domain registration. And I also tried to report my SIN card as stolen, because I don't know how much of my ID James ended up writing down. Either way, I didn't get a chance to really report it, as I had Jerusalem Syndrome. April Fools Jerusalem Syndrome!

Plus I had a massive seizure, and was put back on Lamictal which made me go into anaphylactic shock. I died! Literally. I have a new pdoc, and a councellor, and my GP. And my weiner dog, who is a seizure alert dog. And he's really good at it! I am going to try and get into formal service dog training this summer, I know a trainer in town who is most excellent, especially with little dogs. And especially training psych service dogs. But mostly, I dunno, it probably is epilepsy. I am trying to see a neurologist. And then I may also have thyroid issues. And I also have to fix my computer.

Either way, I am doing a LOT better since my job ended. Sort of. I still need to calm down. I have nightmares I am being chased by an Oscar Meyer Weinermobile yelling "Achtung achtung!"

Alan Smithee could be anyone really. And just about everyone in the Industry has run into an Alan Smithee.

My Alan Smithee was the montreal psych system, a brutal system which dehumanizes people. After I got out, I got hit by lightning. It was like getting ECT. I would just loop through that one time period over and over and over. And I decided to get out of the loop.

But getting off psych drugs is hard. And especially if you have TLE. Temporal Lobe Epilepsy. It's almost the same as being crazy, but different! I'm trying to learn how to live with it. And I don't know, I am gifted so there is that to work with too.

And there were also bad memories I had of someone who pretty much assaulted me before and after I went to the psych ward. And he decided to keep calling and telling me he was going to kill my whole family. My dad made a report with the Quebec police about death threats, but not much came of it, although it is on file there. I tried to report my ID stolen to the police, but not much came of that either. And then of course, there were the screen memories. It was like being put into a cult. I hate cults! Psychiatry is a cult, the way it works when it uses force.

Currently I am healing and just trying to get back to normal. I am trying to take a break from the News and Religion, but it always comes up again. Anyway, I am going to go have a nap now. I'm staying with family, trying to feel okay about life. It is hard, that is for sure. I decided to rewrite my screenplay, now that I know what the Alan Smithee is. I'm going to be spending the summer on holidays, occasionally writing.

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

I am at Word Press now, come and visit!

http://thirzafilms.wordpress.com/

Sarain Cuthand said...

Nope, now I am back at blogger, and still a transman!!!!

check me out!!! I'm at:
http://sarainsfitofpique.blogspot.com/

Thirza Cuthand said...

Here's my non Alan Smithee'd blog! Yay! And My new email works too!

http://thirzacuthand.blogspot.com/

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Sarain Cuthand said...

Dammit, anonymous got to my old blog! Sorry, usually I delete these but I don't have access to my old account anymore.

gem said...

Hi Thirza!
I am sorry to hear/read that you are having a hard time. It's Gem here, we went to Emily Carr together remember? I have been wondering where you are and how life art and heart is shining for you. You are radiant and inspiring, and enter my thoughts even though we haven't seen or talked in so long.
big hug, (hope you get this!)
Gem

HedgehogMD said...

Greetings!
My name is Sarah Edwards, and I am an Aspie (a.k.a. I have Asperger’s Syndrome) and I am a medical student.

I am working with another medical student, Sara Dungavell, on an ethics project about the meaning of words. We are working under the supervision of an ethicist named Dr. Jeff Nisker. Sara and I noticed that the common meanings of the words, “human”, “fully-functional” and “normal”, as well as how the words related to each other, get used to keep people on the Spectrum separate from mainstream society. We think in part it is because the definitions come from people outside the community.

We want to know how people within or associated with the Spectrum define these words for themselves, so we are asking some bloggers who are part of the Spectrum community if they would like to give us their own definitions. We found your blog, and that’s why we are e-mailing you and several other bloggers.

Once we’ve gathered these new definitions, we plan on analyzing them for common themes about what “normal”, “human”, and “fully-functional” mean and how they are related to each other. We plan on presenting these definitions and analyses to other medical students and the academic community to try and get them thinking about people on the Spectrum differently.

Attached to this email is a letter of information that explains what the project is about again, and then at the end it asks for your definitions of “normal”, “human” and “fully-functional”.

Okay so obviously this is not the actual email but should you wish to participate please email me and I will send the actual email on.

Please read the letter, and then if you want to help us by being part of the research, email us back your definitions and any comments you might have about them. There are no right answers, please just tell us what your definitions are of these words and what they mean to you. Also if you know anyone else who might want to contribute please feel free to email this letter to them too. Feel free to answer beyond the scope of the definitions if you wish or to answer only one or two of the definitions. If you have any questions, or if you’d like to know more about what we are researching, please email me and ask them.

Thank you,
Sarah Edwards

M.D. Class of 2010
Schulich School of Medicine and Dentistry
The University of Western Ontario
sedwards2010@meds.uwo.ca

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