Tuesday, March 06, 2007

"Bisexual Straight Woman" and cold toes


For the record, let me say outright that I don't believe in this term "bisexual straight woman." I just found it on the After Ellen site in reference to a tortured discussion of bisexual celebrities. Oh man, my head practically exploded after reading it. To sum up, a bisexual straight woman either says she's bisexual but hasn't had a relationship with a woman as defined by, uh, I don't know. But if they had sex with women but never a long term relationship, they were bisexual straight women. If they were settled in a long term relationship with a man, they were bisexual straight women unless they emphatically asserted that a future relationship with a woman was still possible. And if they were virgins with women, they were most definitely bisexual straight women.

I don't know about you, but I think asking ANYONE in a long term relationship if they could ever love someone else is kind of fucked up, that's like asking newlyweds who gets the cats when they divorce.

If you mean someone who's straight who's saying they're bisexual for appearances, then the precise term is poseur. Although I don't know that many bisexuals who are poseurs. I don't think I know any actually. I do know bisexuals who swear off an entire gender because they had an icky experience, but I also know straight women who swear off men when they have an icky experience, likewise lesbians swearing off women. But generally those are more of fits of pique. And let's not even get into gay men trying to swear off men, those are just Brokeback tragic.

If you mean someone who's straight but doing an experiment (I can hear the test tubes rattling) then fucking be quiet, one of us could nail her! Seriously though, so what. Lesbians experiment with boys too.

So does that make them Bisexual Lesbians? Oddly enough, some would say yes. And I suppose some people might identify as Bisexual Straight women even, but it's not for us to put a secondary sexual orientation qualifier on to someone else who has already clearly defined themselves. Especially if it's just because they're monogamous. I mean, if they weren't monogamous then people would bitch about all bisexuals being promiscuous and unfaithful (although, again, someone can be promiscuous and unfaithful of any orientation. And sometimes they've set up poly relationships, which is a whole different thing and again not orientation specific.). Oh, so many pitfalls.

I'm not sure I've decided between the bisexual or lesbian label, or straight even because sometimes I'm a man who loves women. I am a queer without a category. So multiple categories ARE possible, but imposing them arbitrarily to diminish someone's identity is rude.

On other news . . . I stood out in the freezing cold waiting for a bus for over an hour!!! I don't even want to look at my toes, I'm worried they're black as old bananas. No, they're fine, just frozen. I did think about some things while I waited though, nice things. Shivery quivery delicious things. And some sad things. Personal stuff really, but it was nice to have the time to do that.

per request: Bi with a Boyfriend: The Latest Hollywood Trend?

2 comments:

Jess said...

Any chance of a link to the article?

Jess said...

thankyou!